As what would have been my mum’s 65th birthday approaches (16th March) I have been thinking again about the grieving process and how events can help so much in healing.
Here we all are on mum's 62nd birthday, the last she had on earth. It was a lovely day and one I didn't realise we wouldn't have again.
Last year my sister and I bought cards for mum’s 64th birthday to celebrate the occasion. As Lucy still believes mum is behind the red curtain inside our local crematorium, we wrote our cards and took them to the crematorium door. We read them out loud, resealed them and posted them through the letter box. Marking occasions such as this gives me permission to remember with reason. I can hear you saying, 'you have reason enough Fran', and you're right, but it links back to my previous post on intentionality - sometimes we need a sense of purpose, and a plan for grieving, remembering and healing.
I know I need more than this once a year 'ceremony' (twice if you count the day she died) to remember her. My mum was an amazing woman and deserves to be remembered every day.
Our family doesn't have a grave, commemorative plaque, or planted tree to visit when we feel low or want a place of focus. While I wouldn't want any of those things to become the focus, I am coming to realise that these things all provide a place of ceremony, and a place with absolute permission to grieve.