I was 26 when my mum died. It felt way too young to lose a mum, but I’ve come to realise that many people don’t even get 26 years with their mum, and if they do, they’re often not as blissful and secure as mine were. I'm so grateful for the person she was and the relationship we had.
I’d be lying if I said I never argued with my mum but I was extremely lucky that those occasions were very rare, and I don’t remember her raising her voice to me more than once or twice. (Maybe that’s because I was just such a good child!?)
Some people have their mum in their life until they’re old. Some lose their mum at a very young age. Some never meet their birth mum or find them later on in life. Some people lose their mum unexpectedly and some have a long time to prepare.
There are many emotions to deal with when you’ve lost a mother, have never known her, or just wish your relationship had been very different. These feelings are different for everyone. There can be a mixture of sadness, denial, regret, pain, misery, anger, joy and happiness at memories, hope, and many more.
It has been easy for me to have a rose-tinted view of my mum since her death; pretending that she was always perfect, and although I thought she was most of the time, I’ve realised that as well as this I need to remember the times when I was frustrated with her, the times when we fell out, when we weren’t speaking, and when she annoyed me. Only then can I have a full picture of what she was like.
I started this blog as a way of dealing with all the different emotions I was feeling and I can honestly say that writing it has been one of, if not the most, cathartic activities to help me deal with my loss.
If you’ve experienced the loss of a parent I would encourage you to write. You can write about anything, you don’t have to write about your loss – writing about other things can trigger memories (bad and good) about your loved one. Sometimes it doesn’t make you remember anything. Give it a go if you haven’t already, what have you got to lose?
Here are some other good articles and blogs on the same topic: